Guilty, but it doesn’t matter. I am free.

I feel guilty. This past week I have been absolutely awful to my husband. I mean realistically he could probably recall a few times where I have been a little worse, but for me, it seems like this one could top the charts. Maybe it’s because I embarked on having an attitude that was quarrelsome and easily irritatable all week long. It was continual. The monster never rested.
Now, I feel awful. I’ve had plenty of time to recognize the ugliness that I’m guilty of and I feel just plain wretched. Not to mention yesterday Bob and I went to a visitation due to one of our friends’ father passing away. This man, Gary Driskell, spent his entire life devoted to the Lord and serving him musically. I was blown away at the love and comments by those he left behind. In light of his life I was entirely put to shame, because as I’m standing in the line to shake the families hand I am in the midst of a strained relationship due to my sin. I wondered, was there ever a selfish bone in Gary’s body? It didn’t seem so. His legacy seemed to be so hidden behind the glory of God that it was evident that nothing else mattered. So, I stood condemned of being the complete opposite to my wonderful husband, caring only for my thoughts than unity.
In an hour I will be standing with all of Gary’s friends in family, participating in an incredible worship service- full band and everything. In the midst of feeling this emotion of guilt, I know that eternally this is not the case. This morning I had to remind myself of Ephesians 1 and choose to believe those words. I definitely feel so unlike HIS child right now. But I am realizing that all of this is why we worship God and not self. TO HIM BE THE GLORY.

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